Making It Better Monday: Overcoming hatred with communication

Each time that I hear of a tragic event where innocent people have had their lives cut short, it breaks my heart.  We do not know yet why this person targeted the music festival in Las Vegas, but all too often these mass shootings are done because the killer hated something about the group he was targeting.  In many cases, there is also an element of mental illness that also needs to be addressed, but that is a post for another time.  I want to talk about how we can overcome hate, both hatred, or even just dislike, within our own hearts and hatred, that others have towards us, for whatever reason.

The best way to warm your heart towards someone is to simply get to know them.  Learn what makes them so different from you and why they do the things that you either dislike or just don't understand.  I know when it comes to political or religious differences, often, both sides feel as though they are supporting/doing the best thing they can.  Very loosely speaking, Democrats feel as though no one should ever suffer poverty, a very noble thought.  Again, speaking loosely, Republicans feel that everyone should have the dignity of providing for themselves and not relying on the government to support them.  Republicans do not want the poor to suffer and Democrats do not want the poor to feel as though they have little or no dignity, but it is so often portrayed in extremes that we find Republicans hating Democrats and vice-versa.  If people who disagreed could just come together and listen to each other, they would see that they really want the same things and they just might be able to find a way that best suits everyone. Instead, we have a society that only hears the disagreements and people who refuse to try to see things from someone else's point of view.  The next time you hear or read someone saying something you disagree with, rather than immediately shoot back about how they are wrong, I challenge you to create a friendly dialog to find out why they feel the way they do.  If they are open to it, explain your side as well, but be sure the tone stays friendly and civil.  If it starts to get too heated, there is nothing wrong with walking away.  I recently watched a Ted talk, by Theo E. J. Wilson, a black man who went undercover in an alt-Right group.  I loved hearing how his eyes were opened to why some of them feel the way they do.  His experience covers both race and political differences.  I encourage you to listen to his talk, no matter what side you find yourself on, as I am certain it will help soften your heart a bit.

I also want to warn about trusting the media to fairly portray any group.  All too often, they portray people as a stereotype, often one that has been perpetrated and fed by the media.  Currently, if one were to develop an opinion about people based on how the media portrays them this is what they would believe:  all cops are bad and go around killing innocent people and harassing people of color; all white people are racist; all black people, especially black men, are criminals; all Hispanics are Mexican and must be here illegally; all gay people are flamboyant and want to watch the world burn; all Christians hate gay people and anyone else who does not fit their definition of Christian; all Muslims are terrorists just waiting to kill all Americans and take over the country; and so on and so on.  There are people who fit each of those categories that live in America, but most of the people I know, which includes blacks, whites, Asians, Hispanics (from all Hispanic countries), gay, straight, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, agnostic, police officers, and more, they do not fit into those stereotypes at all.

Another way to get to know people that are different than you, is to serve them and/or to serve alongside them.  Maybe you do not want to discuss why you disagree with someone.  That should not prevent you from getting to know them as a person and a great way to do that is to serve them or even serve alongside them.  When you are focused on helping others, the stereotypes don't really seem to matter.  This can be best seen in the photos of people being rescued after the hurricanes and flooding that have recently occurred.  No one was refusing help due to the race, occupation, gender, or religion of their rescuer.  Rescuers were not asking people their sexual preference before offering aid.  People were just being people and helping each other.  Hopefully, you will not have to serve in the capacity of a rescuer, but there are many other ways to serve those who are, or who believe, different than you.  Volunteer at a soup kitchen, participate in a fundraising race by handing out water to runners, help refurbish homes for the poor or refuges.  Whatever you choose, try to put yourself in an area where you are working with or for those who you want to better understand.  It's easy to serve within our own church when we are serving others who believe as we do and often look like we do, but you will grow so much more by also serving in a different church with those who are not like you.

When we get to know people that are on opposite ends of the spectrum from us, big changes can occur.  A friend of mine shared a video today on Facebook, from ABC News, which tells the story of a Neo-Nazi who had a major change of heart after his black parole officer came into his life.  What started as a legal commitment, turned into a beautiful friendship, and a truly changed man.  It is examples like theirs that give me hope for the rest of us.

My heart goes out to all of those who were killed, injured, or experienced firsthand the terror of last night.  I have them, their loved ones, and the first responders in my prayers, along with the shooter's family.  Overcoming hate may not have been able to stop what happened in Las Vegas, but I firmly believe it would have stopped several other mass shootings, and many single killings, in recent years, and we need to start somewhere.

Spiritual Sunday: Being Kind to Those Who Are Different Than Us

Every third Sunday, I teach in the women's organization at my church.  I intend to share my lessons here after I have taught them.  This is last week's lesson that I taught.  Please feel free to post any questions you might have.  Inflammatory comments will not be published.

This week's lesson is chapter 20 in the Gordon B. Hinckley manual, called “Fellowship with Those Who Are Not of Our Faith.”  The lesson starts by talking about how most people share the common desire to help others.  Most people want to help the poor, lift the distressed, give comfort, hope, and help to all those who are in trouble and pain from whatever cause.  It also talks about when President Hinckley was interviewed by Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes.   Part of the interview went as follows:   Mr. Wallace asks: “How do you view non-Mormons?”  President Hinckley responded: “With love and respect.  I have many non-Mormon friends.  I respect them.  I have the greatest of admiration for them.”  Mr Wallace followed up by asking, “Despite the fact that they haven’t really seen the light yet?”  President Hinckley said: “Yes.  To anybody who is not of this Church, I say we recognize all of the virtues and the good that you have. Bring it with you and see if we might add to it.” 

One thing that often helps me to better understand Heavenly Father’s point of view on things, is by relating how He is our parent.  If we think like a parent, things seem to make more sense. If I were to ask all my children to do their chores, and at the end of the day, a few of them did not do them, I do not love them any less than I do the ones that did what I asked. To take it even further, if I handed the list of chores to one child and asked that (s)he share it with the others, would it be fair for me to hold those who never knew about the list equally responsible when they didn't complete their chores? Heavenly Father sees us the same way. Those who do not have a testimony of the gospel, or any part of the gospel, are not held to the same level of expectation as those who do have a testimony and have made covenants to live the gospel. Heavenly Father does not love us any more than He loves a Catholic, a Muslim, a Jew, a Wiccan, or even an atheist. We are all equal, and just as I would be upset if one of my children, even the one who was the best behaved, treated another one of my children with unkindness, I am certain it hurts Heavenly Father when He sees us doing it to each other. 

In the eleventh Article of Faith, we read,  "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship, how, where, or what they may. "  This means that while we may worship differently or have differing beliefs, that we can not allow ourselves to become arrogant, self-righteous, or prideful.  We need to allow others to worship how, where and what they may.  I love these words, by the prophet Joseph Smith, back in 1843, “If it has been demonstrated that I have been willing to die for a Mormon, I am bold to declare before Heaven that I am just as ready to die in defending the rights of a Presbyterian, a Baptist, or a good man of any other denomination; for the same principle which would trample upon the rights of the Latter-day Saints would trample upon the rights of the Roman Catholics, or of any other denomination."  We need to ensure that we are not demonstrating a holier-than-thou attitude.  We need to be open and friendly.  We can do this without compromising our own beliefs. 

The church is often involved in helping around the world.  We see stories of the work that is being done by the church every time we hear of a disaster striking anywhere in the world.  Often, the church as a whole, and the individual members, are working side by side with other churches and other good people.  We are encouraged to be involved in good community causes.  What are some ways that we can reach out to those in our community that are not of our faith?  I know in our neighboring ward (our church is divided into wards, similar to how the Catholic church is divided into parishes), they regularly volunteer at the clothing closet run by another church in their area.  

If there is an instance where serious moral issues are involved, we need to be sure not to bend on matters of principles, but we can politely disagree without being disagreeable.  We can acknowledge the sincerity of those whose positions we cannot accept and speak of principles rather of people.  President Hinckley has said, “ There is a better way than the way of the world.  If it means standing alone, we must do it.  But we shall not be alone.  I am confident that there are millions of people throughout the world who grieve over the evil they see about them.  They love the virtuous, the good, and the uplifting.  They too will raise their voices and give their strength to the preservation of those values which are worthy of maintenance and cultivation.” 

When we are treating others with love, respect, and kindness, we are showing that we are true disciples of Jesus Christ. We bear testimony and witness of Him, through our actions.  I think of how Christ was when He was still on the earth.  When the adulterous woman was brought before Him or when those who were sick and afflicted reached out to touch his robes, He reacted with love and kindness.  He did not recoil or act as though He was better than they were.  Why would we?  Our kindness may be the most persuasive argument for that which we believe.  President Hinckley encourages us to live the Golden Rule, treating others as we would want to be treated.  This reminded me of when my oldest girls were little.  Chloe was a bit on the mean side and Yasmin would give it right back to her, even though it was not her typical nature.  I talked to her about it one day and asked if she knew the Golden Rule.  She responded by saying, “Yes!  That is why I am so mean to Chloe.  She is mean to me, so she must want me to treat her the same way.”  I quickly re-explained the Golden Rule, to say that we should treat others as we want them to treat us, regardless of how they actually treat us.  Being friendly does not mean we need to be friends, but we do need to be kind. 

There is a poem in the lesson that I really like that also reminded me of the Chloe and Yasmin story.  It is by Edwin Markham and it goes like this. (I drew 2 stick figures on the board). 

He drew a circle that shut me out- 

Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. (draw circle around one man)

 But Love and I had the wit to win:  

We drew a circle that took him in!” (draw circle around both men)

This poem reminds me that it is important that we make a conscientious effort to not be excluding people from our circle, even if they have excluded us from theirs.  An example of this can be seen in the church’s response to the Broadway musical Book of Mormon.  Those who wrote the musical, and in many ways those who act in it, and in some ways, those who see it, are drawing a circle around themselves, with the church on the outside.  The church responded by taking out ads in the billfolds encouraging viewers to now read the book. Missionaries were often found outside the theaters when they let out, handing out copies of the Book of Mormon.  They were drawing that bigger circle and inviting all of them in, and I personally know people who have joined the church as a result of the musical and the church’s reaction to it. 

I want to take this lesson one step further, to say we need to love each other with ALL our differences, not just religious ones.  The world is full of diversity and we need to cultivate tolerance and appreciation and respect one another.  Have any of you watched the movie, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”?  For those who have not seen it, it is about a Greek girl who meets a non-Greek man who she falls in love with and decides to marry.  Her father has a very hard time accepting the man since he is not Greek.  However, at the end of the movie, during the wedding reception, the father makes a speech about how the two families have come together.  He had discovered a commonality to build on: one of their last names was derived from the Greek word of orange and the other last name was derived from the Greek word for apple.  His realization was that in the end, they are all fruit. 

I challenge you to look for opportunities like these on the board, to work side by side with others who are different than us.  Whether someone be Catholic, Jewish, black, white, Hispanic, male, female, transgender, gay, straight, old, or young, in the end, we are all children of God.  It is my prayer that all of us will be a little more aware of how we are treating those who are different than us.  Your world will be much richer when you do and you will be treating them the way our Heavenly Father would want us to be treating our fellow brothers and sisters.