Making It Better Monday: Overcoming hatred with communication

Each time that I hear of a tragic event where innocent people have had their lives cut short, it breaks my heart.  We do not know yet why this person targeted the music festival in Las Vegas, but all too often these mass shootings are done because the killer hated something about the group he was targeting.  In many cases, there is also an element of mental illness that also needs to be addressed, but that is a post for another time.  I want to talk about how we can overcome hate, both hatred, or even just dislike, within our own hearts and hatred, that others have towards us, for whatever reason.

The best way to warm your heart towards someone is to simply get to know them.  Learn what makes them so different from you and why they do the things that you either dislike or just don't understand.  I know when it comes to political or religious differences, often, both sides feel as though they are supporting/doing the best thing they can.  Very loosely speaking, Democrats feel as though no one should ever suffer poverty, a very noble thought.  Again, speaking loosely, Republicans feel that everyone should have the dignity of providing for themselves and not relying on the government to support them.  Republicans do not want the poor to suffer and Democrats do not want the poor to feel as though they have little or no dignity, but it is so often portrayed in extremes that we find Republicans hating Democrats and vice-versa.  If people who disagreed could just come together and listen to each other, they would see that they really want the same things and they just might be able to find a way that best suits everyone. Instead, we have a society that only hears the disagreements and people who refuse to try to see things from someone else's point of view.  The next time you hear or read someone saying something you disagree with, rather than immediately shoot back about how they are wrong, I challenge you to create a friendly dialog to find out why they feel the way they do.  If they are open to it, explain your side as well, but be sure the tone stays friendly and civil.  If it starts to get too heated, there is nothing wrong with walking away.  I recently watched a Ted talk, by Theo E. J. Wilson, a black man who went undercover in an alt-Right group.  I loved hearing how his eyes were opened to why some of them feel the way they do.  His experience covers both race and political differences.  I encourage you to listen to his talk, no matter what side you find yourself on, as I am certain it will help soften your heart a bit.

I also want to warn about trusting the media to fairly portray any group.  All too often, they portray people as a stereotype, often one that has been perpetrated and fed by the media.  Currently, if one were to develop an opinion about people based on how the media portrays them this is what they would believe:  all cops are bad and go around killing innocent people and harassing people of color; all white people are racist; all black people, especially black men, are criminals; all Hispanics are Mexican and must be here illegally; all gay people are flamboyant and want to watch the world burn; all Christians hate gay people and anyone else who does not fit their definition of Christian; all Muslims are terrorists just waiting to kill all Americans and take over the country; and so on and so on.  There are people who fit each of those categories that live in America, but most of the people I know, which includes blacks, whites, Asians, Hispanics (from all Hispanic countries), gay, straight, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, agnostic, police officers, and more, they do not fit into those stereotypes at all.

Another way to get to know people that are different than you, is to serve them and/or to serve alongside them.  Maybe you do not want to discuss why you disagree with someone.  That should not prevent you from getting to know them as a person and a great way to do that is to serve them or even serve alongside them.  When you are focused on helping others, the stereotypes don't really seem to matter.  This can be best seen in the photos of people being rescued after the hurricanes and flooding that have recently occurred.  No one was refusing help due to the race, occupation, gender, or religion of their rescuer.  Rescuers were not asking people their sexual preference before offering aid.  People were just being people and helping each other.  Hopefully, you will not have to serve in the capacity of a rescuer, but there are many other ways to serve those who are, or who believe, different than you.  Volunteer at a soup kitchen, participate in a fundraising race by handing out water to runners, help refurbish homes for the poor or refuges.  Whatever you choose, try to put yourself in an area where you are working with or for those who you want to better understand.  It's easy to serve within our own church when we are serving others who believe as we do and often look like we do, but you will grow so much more by also serving in a different church with those who are not like you.

When we get to know people that are on opposite ends of the spectrum from us, big changes can occur.  A friend of mine shared a video today on Facebook, from ABC News, which tells the story of a Neo-Nazi who had a major change of heart after his black parole officer came into his life.  What started as a legal commitment, turned into a beautiful friendship, and a truly changed man.  It is examples like theirs that give me hope for the rest of us.

My heart goes out to all of those who were killed, injured, or experienced firsthand the terror of last night.  I have them, their loved ones, and the first responders in my prayers, along with the shooter's family.  Overcoming hate may not have been able to stop what happened in Las Vegas, but I firmly believe it would have stopped several other mass shootings, and many single killings, in recent years, and we need to start somewhere.

Make It Better Monday: Reusable Shopping Bags

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.

Many cities and states have passed laws or are are working to ban plastic grocery bags.  This may be considered an environmental win, but for some it may be an economic loss.  Personally, I used my plastic grocery bags to dispose of dirty disposable diapers and I currently use them to line my bathroom garbage can.  Having said that, I limit the number of plastic bags I get at the store because I only need so many bags on hand and with 8 people in our family, the bags add up quickly.  So, whether you live in an area that has banned plastic bags and you need to find a replacement or you want to help reduce the number of plastic bags that are out there, reusable shopping bags can help.

There are a few downsides to reusable shopping bags, so here are some tips for making them work for you.  After all, if you are spending the money on the bags, you want to make sure you are actually using them.

Problem: Always forgetting your bags

It took me a long time to remember to put my bags in the van before going shopping.  I started out with some of the ones like the strawberry bags posted at the top. These are easy to keep in your bag and take up little space so even if you forget your bags, you have at least have something with you.  It is important to note that these types of bags tend to be a bit smaller so keep that in mind.  Another alternative is to keep your bags in your vehicle.  We keep a stash of bags in the trunk of our van.  It took a couple of trips before we were remembering to put the bags back in the trunk, but it was an easy habit to develop and it works great for us now.  We bring the bags in, empty them and put them right back outside (unless they need washing, see below.)  If you find you forget to bring them in the store, you can always go back out and grab them, bring your groceries our unbagged and bag them in the parking lot, or choose reusable bags that you can clip to your keychain, like the ones shown above.

Problem: You use your plastic bags for garbage, diapers, dog waste, etc.

This is where I am at.  As I said above, we would receive a LOT of plastic grocery bags when we go shopping if everything was bagged in plastic.  When I am just picking up a few things, I will have those items bagged in plastic bags so that we have a small supply of bin liners on hand.  Other options are to only use bin liners in the bins that receive "wet"  or sticky trash, or to use cereal bags, old chip bags, potato bags, etc to pick up and/or hold waste.  By reducing our dependence on plastic bags, we will be able to make the switch easier if and when the time comes that we need to.

Problem: They carry germs

There is no doubt that carrying items like raw meat, will contaminate your reusable bags.  They WILL need to be washed regularly.  Keep this in mind when shopping for them and be sure to buy some that are easy to wash.  Use the ones that are not so easy to wash for canned and boxed items.  We use a few different styles, one for packaged items, one for fresh fruits and veggies, one for raw meats, and an insulated style for cold and frozen items.  If I do not have one with me that is easy to wash, I do go ahead and get plastic to wrap around any raw meat I may be buying or I simply have them bag it for me in a plastic bag.  Many reusable bags can be washed with your regular laundry.  For those that cannot be washed in the laundry, you can wipe them down with a good cloth and disinfect as needed.

I am not perfect about using reusable grocery bags, but it is something I am working on.  I hope this will give you some ideas of how you can reduce your dependence on plastic bags, so that you will be prepared if the day comes that you are forced to give them up.  If you have other concerns regarding reusable bags, please leave a comment and I will try to address it.

Making It Better Monday: Finding Time for You

Last week I talked about the importance of taking care of our personal needs.  Several of the suggestions require you to do something on your own, without your children.  That is something that can be difficult for someone who has an active partner and/or friends and family nearby, but for some that might be impossible.  Here are 10 ways that should help you "find" some time for yourself.

1) Ask others for help
If you are married or have an active partner, explain your need for a few minutes to yourself.  Most likely, they want you to be happy and will be willing to give you that.  After they see how much it improves your mood, because it will improve your mood, they will likely be even more willing in the future.  If you are unable to convince them to give you that time, or there is no one around to ask, try to find a friend you can barter childcare with.  On one day you will watch her kids and on another she will watch yours, giving both of you time to yourselves.

2) Find something that will safely occupy the kids
This might mean taking your time for you during their nap time or  during their favorite tv show.  Obviously, this would only work for those things that do not require you to leave the house and won't take tremendous amounts of uninterrupted time, but it works well for you to get 5 or 10 minutes to do something for you.

3) Involve the kids
If you are making yourself feel pretty or working on a hobby, involve the kids in the process.  Many little girls have fond memories of watching mommy making herself up.  Also, when allowing yourself to eat first, let the kids help set the table, serve the meal, or get drinks, whatever is appropriate for their ages.  Again, this won't work for everything, but it will work for some.

4) Make it part of the family's routine
Again, this will not work with everything, but you could institute daily reading time or quiet time, where everyone has to read or look at books for 15 minutes.  Even the youngest of kids can amuse themselves with a book, even if they cannot read.

5) Let some of the chores slide, at least occasionally
I am not talking about letting your house slip into utter chaos, but there are likely days that you can skip vacuuming for a day, or instead of unloading the dishwasher, you grab the dishes from it as you need them (that works best with smaller families).

6) Prioritize
Look at all the things you do each day and determine if there is something you could give up, at least occasionally, in order to do something for yourself.  Maybe it is spending less time online one day a week, or making convenient meals (freezer meals, crock-pot meals, or whatever your go-to quick meal is) one night a week.

7) Multi-task   
This can mean doing more than 1 chore at a time in order to free up some time later, or it can mean using some alone time to do the things you need to do, such as grocery shopping by yourself or chatting with other adults while waiting for your children at gymnastics.

8) Get up a little earlier 
I have not been able to do this for a while, but when I am sleeping through the night again I plan to do this again.  I like to take my alone time at the start of my day.  I wake up about an hour before everyone else.  I read my scriptures, shower uninterrupted, and sometimes work on something I enjoy, whether it be reading a book or knitting or baking a treat.  It is a nice way to start my day.

9) If feasible, hire help
If it is in your family's budget, hire a mother's helper, babysitter, or house cleaner to come over once a week.  If money is tight, see about trading services with someone.  Maybe you could trade a cooked dinner (double your family's meal) for a couple of hours of service.

10) Cut back on unnecessary distractions and chores
Do you do things that do not bring you joy and are not necessary?  Cut back on those things and replace them with more time for you.  Do you have your kids involved on numerous activities that THEY do not enjoy?  Ask yourself which activities are most important and cut out the others.  Are you cooking every meal, every day from scratch?  Try making freezer meals once a month to free up some time each week or double up your recipes and have planned leftovers the next day.  Do you do ALL the housework yourself?  Involve the kids in everyday chores as appropriate.  They will enjoy helping you, learn life-long skills, and benefit from having a more relaxed mom.

Making It Better Monday: Put Yourself First

As women and mothers, it is in our nature (for most of us anyway) to always put others first. This often leaves us feeling drained and unfulfilled. Mothers who put their needs in front of their children's needs or their spouse's needs, are often labelled selfish and unfit. However, I firmly believe you are doing everyone a disservice when you let your own needs slide. There is nothing selfish about ensuring you are physically well and emotionally fulfilled. In fact, how can you give your best to your family, if you are not at your best?

Before I go any further, let me be clear, that I am not talking about immediate and real needs of a child. If you are eating dinner and your child starts choking, by all means, please set your need of food aside for the moment and address your child's need for oxygen. Likewise, if you have to choose between spending a few dollars on a gallon of milk for your empty fridge or a new bottle of nail polish that you have been wanting, please provide the food your family needs before fulfilling the emotional need to feel beautiful. So what am I talking about then? You know how on an airplane, they tell you that if the need for oxygen masks arise, you should put on your own before helping others?  That is to ensure that you do not pass out before helping those who depend on you.  Even if you manage to get their masks on them before you pass out, who will help them with the next steps, such as evacuating the plane.  The same concept applies to our lives.  Here are 10 simple ways to take care of yourself.

1) Take 15 minutes by yourself to do something you enjoy
This might be reading a book quietly or taking a short soak in the tub or even just a few moments to lie down and rest.  Just take some time to yourself to gather your thoughts and reset.

2) Develop or work on a hobby
Rediscover something you used to love to do or discover something new that you enjoy.  Maybe you used to play an instrument or paint or you collected unicorns, whatever it was, if it brings you joy, spend some time each week doing it.  

3) Make yourself feel pretty
Spend a few minutes each day on your appearance, so that you feel good about how you look.  This is a personal thing and differs for every person.  For me, it means being dressed in something I would be comfortable wearing in public (i.e. not pajamas or sweats), brushing through my hair and sometimes putting on a touch of make up.  For others, it might mean more or less.

4) Indulge in a special treat
The next time you go grocery shopping, buy yourself a treat just for yourself.  It might be a pint of your favorite ice cream or a high end chocolate bar or a normal chocolate bar.  It just needs to be something you do not normally get for yourself and something you enjoy.

5) Feed yourself first
So often, we spend so much time dishing up and serving our family at meal time, that we don't get to eat until our food is cold.  If you are not all eating a family meal, dish yourself up first and eat it BEFORE even calling the others to eat.  If it is a family meal, dish everyone up and serve it, anticipating any possible needs (drinks, condiments, etc) and then call everyone over.  Serve yourself and then sit down and eat your hot meal.  If anyone needs something else or wants seconds, have them wait for it or get it themselves.  (I know that statement assumes a lot, adjust it as you need.)

6) Talk to adults several times a week
This can be a spouse or partner, but only counts if the conversation is not about the kids.  Get together for play dates, talk to others at church or while waiting for the kids at dance class or school, go to the park and chat with another parent that is there.  Heck, I have even struck up conversations in the store with a stranger simply for a few moments of an adult conversation.

7) Introduce yourself by something other than "so-and-so's mom"
If the conversation is going to revolve around one of your children, use that as a description of who you are, but always introduce yourself by your name first.  Being a mother is a part of who you are, but you are so much more than that. 

8) Ensure you are getting enough sleep
If you are not going to bed on time because you are always working on house chores or school projects for your kids, stop it now.  Even if you only forgo them a couple of nights a week,  the extra sleep you will be able to get will help improve how you feel. 

9) Get out by yourself a couple of times each month
If you are a stay-at-home parent,  this is especially important.  You can even combine this with a necessary errand, such as grocery shopping or a doctor's appointment, or go window shopping at the mall or take a run or go for a walk.  The idea is to get out of the house in a role other than as mom.

10)  Take care of your body
Exercise is important and so is a proper diet, both of which we all know we should be doing, but I am also talking about taking care of your medical and dental needs in a timely manner.  Do not put off making an appointment that needs to be made.  Many adults do this, even without children.  Then, the problem often ends up much worse than it would have been had it been taken care of in the first place.  Also, be sure to stay hydrated and remember to eat throughout the day.

Having listed all these, I know it is easier said than done.  Some of you are single parents, some of you do not have friends or family in the area, and some simply cannot figure out how to find the time.  Next week, I will give you some ways to find the time and means to get these things done. 

Making It Better Monday: Homemade cough syrup

Disclaimer- This post contains an affiliate link.  This means, if you click the link and make a purchase, I may receive a small percentage of what you spent.  This is at no additional cost to you.  I did receive any payment or products in exchange for this post.  My opinion is what I wrote and is no way influenced by the affiliate link.

With school now in session for all of the US and the weather turning colder, there is no doubt that most of us will experience at least one cough and/or cold this year.  I dislike all the extras that are added to many cough syrups, including high fructose corn syrup.  I also have gagged on every commercial cough syrup I have ever tried, so it does not work for me anyway.  Several years ago, I went searching for a homemade version that would work for me.  I wrote down the recipe when I found it and when I recently went back so I could give credit to the right person, I see it is all over the internet, so I have no idea who truly create it.  Therefore, I feel it is ok for me to share it here.  None-the-less, if anyone knows who the original creator of the recipe is, please share it with me and I will give the proper credit.

Here we go:

Combine:
1/4 tsp. ground ginger
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 Tbsp. honey (I prefer to use local, but any honey will work)
1 Tbsp. apple-cider vinegar (I think Bragg's tastes the best, but any will work)
2 Tbsp. water

Once they are mixed well, take 1-2 teaspoons as needed to soothe your cough.

Here is why each ingredient works:
Ginger- an antispasmodic which helps calm the muscles that cause coughing; also has antibacterial and antioxidant properties so it can help prevent illness and disease

Cayenne- another antispasmodic and also helps break up the mucus causing the congestion and cough (this why you get a runny nose when you ate something spicy)

Honey- besides being soothing, honey also has antibacterial and antiseptic properties

Apple Cider Vinegar- kills germs

Water- there is really not enough to be super beneficial, but it helps dilute the strong flavors of the other ingredients and of course, it is hydrating.  I still recommend drinking lots more afterwards, mainly to increase hydration, thin the mucus, and wash away the acidic ingredients of the cough syrup.

My experience has been that after 1 day of using this, my cough has cleared up each time.  I cannot promise the same for you, but it has been that way for each person in my house.  The number of doses is not the same, so maybe it is the combination of the ingredients and rest, but never-the-less, it has always worked for us.  I also have to say that the taste is not the best, but honestly, does ANY cough medicine taste good?  The taste is no worse than any commercial cough syrup I have ever tried and I can get it down without gagging on it.

This solution will help improve your health, finances, and environmental impact.

Making It Better Monday: Apples

 For the first Making It Better Monday, I have chosen a topic where I can share tips that can help across a variety of areas in our lives: Apples!  In western NY, this is the start of apple season and this year the farmers are reporting a better than average yield.  My favorite apples, SweeTango, are ready now and my favorite farm, Whittier Fruit Farm, has them available for picking for the first time this year.  Last year, they were only available to buy in stores or already picked at the farm markets and farm stands.  That means that today we went apple picking :)

Here are some ways apples can help improve your life:

Health: Apples are super healthy and nutritious.  You can read one of my old posts about the nutrition in apples.  Picking apples is good exercise, too, especially if you walk out to the trees and back.  It incorporates stretching and weights, along with cardiovascular when you include the walking.  Bring a small child that you can lift to pick those apples that are just out of your reach and you increase the health benefit as well.

Emotions: Most of us have at least one happy memory that is linked through apples in some form.  Maybe it was apple picking with our family, making applesauce with our grandmother, or eating apple pie at a holiday.  Chances are, that memory is triggered when you find yourself even thinking about an apple.  Being nostalgic is a great way to brighten your mood.  Also, apple picking, gets you out in the sun so your body can produce vitamin D, which is proven to lift our moods.

Relationships: There are so many ways that apples can help build any family relationship, starting with picking them.  Working together to pick the apples will likely bring you closer together. Making and canning apple sauce or apple pie filling is a great way to spend the day with someone.  You can also make an apple pie to deliver to or share with someone you care about.  A couple of years ago, I bought a couple of several varieties of apples and did an apple tasting with my family.  I wrote up a chart and gave a copy to each person.  On the chart was the name of the apple and spots for the color, texture, flavor and personal rating level of each apple. One at a time, I cut the apples into wedges and each person got one wedge of each apple.  We filled in our charts and discovered what each persons' favorite apple variety was.  Now when I go to buy apples, I know exactly what each person in my house likes and doesn't like.

Financial: If you buy apples in season, they can help you stretch your budget.  They are also easy to process and can or freeze, so that you can enjoy apples year-round, without breaking your budget.  If you store them in a dark, cool room, they store for quite a while, too.  If storing them, the thicker the skin and the tarter the flavor, the longer they will last.  Also, be sure there are no bruises or bad spots on any of the apples, as that will cause them to spoil quicker and if an otherwise good apple touches a rotting or bruised spot on another apple, it will cause you to lose both apples.  Picking your own apples will also help you save some money.  When we go apple picking, I pick up about 20-40 pounds, depending on my budget at that time.  We eat plenty right away, store the best ones for later eating, bake some into treats like apple pie, apple muffins, and baked apples, and can some as applesauce and apple pie filling.  This year, I am hoping to make apple cider vinegar from the cores and peels left over as well.  Which leads to the next area.

Greener living: Apples are natural and better for the environment than any factory-processed food.  If they are organic, they are even more environmentally-friendly.  If you pick the apples yourself, you are also cutting down on emissions from buying apples that may have been trucked in from further away.  Apples also create zero waste in the long-run.  If you do not want to make the apple cider vinegar I wrote about, you can check out 14 additional ways to use them at Yellow Birch Hobby Farm's blog or you can throw them in your compost pile or even in the trash.  If they go to the landfill, they will likely become food for the wildlife or compost away to nothing rather soon.

So there you have it, apples can help improve your health, emotions, relationships, finances and environment.  Some of the impacts may be small, but it is by small things, that great things are made.

PS- I always include a disclaimer when I include links that are affiliate links or paid links.  I want to let you know that none of these links fall in those categories.  The apples and farm are truly my favorites and the other links are sites that I will be using.

Making It Better Monday: Touch it Once

I am hoping your weeks of getting in the habit of closing doors, drawers and cabinets have productive.  My kids have definitely improved in doing this and I plan to keep it going.  It makes such a difference in the appearance of a room!

This week, I am planning to work on the Touch it Once rule.  This means dealing with things, such as mail, just once.  I began doing this with my mail about a year ago and for the most part have done a pretty good job of it.  However, there are some parts where I struggle.  Here is how it would ideally go:

Step 1- Check the mail and bring it into the house.  This means, do not bring it out to the van, even if I am heading out the door.  If I absolutely feel the need to bring it to the van, it MUST come back in the house with me and be dealt with immediately upon returning home. (Can you tell this is one area where I struggle?)

Step 2- Sort mail immediately upon bringing it in.  I place my husband's mail on his pillow so that he is certain to find it when he gets home and the kids will not accidentally grab it and use it to color on.

Step 3- Pay or file any bills; if any mail requires making a phone call, make it right then or at least write it in your schedule with any pertinent information (phone #, account #, reason for call, etc) that you need so that you may get rid of the piece of mail; file away any coupons or checks received so that you can use them during your next trip out; put away any samples or other items received; and deal with any miscellaneous mail in an appropriate manner.

Step 4- Shred any mail with personal information on it and recycle the rest.  If you reuse the envelopes or packaging materials, immediately put them in the place where you keep them.  Also, be certain you are not hoarding these items.  The mail service is not ending anytime soon.  More envelopes will come, probably tomorrow.  Only keep the amount of envelopes that you will actually use. (This is another area that is starting to get away from me.  Not only do I have a ton of envelopes, I do not always put them where they belong right away.)

Another area where the touch it once rule works is dirty laundry.  If you immediately put it in the hamper/down the laundry chute when you take it off, it will not be on the floor/on the counter/hanging from a lamp later, therefore making the house cleaner.  The same goes with dirty dishes.  Hand wash them or put them in the dishwasher as soon as you are done using them.  This keeps the sink clear and keeps the food from getting crusted on, decreasing the amount of time spent washing dishes.


So, for the next week, I am going to purge my stash of envelopes to a reasonable amount and work on bringing the mail into the house, not the van.  I am also going to work on getting my family in the habit of dealing with their laundry and dishes as soon as they are finished with them.  I expect that this will result in fewer pieces of "missing" laundry, as well as a reduced work load when it comes to overall housework.

Making It Better Monday: Just Shut It

In my last post, I talked about starting a series where I would share ideas and habits to help us keep our homes and lives in a more organized manner.  I am going to call the series "Making It Better Monday" and will post every Monday.  Each week I will share an idea or a habit to work on during the upcoming week.  If it is a habit you are already in, work with your other household members so that they can get in the habit as well, making your life easier.

This weeks tip is: If you open it, shut it.

Easy enough, right?  This is something I am going to be working with my kids on improving.  If you have drawers, doors and cupboards open in a room, it makes the room look chaotic, and it creates serious safety issues.  My then 3-year-old, ended up in the ER last year when she was playing ballerina in the bedroom she shares with her sisters.  After completing a twirl, the dizzy ballerina fell, hitting her ear on the corner of her sister's open dresser drawer.  She pierced an "L" right through the cartilage of her upper ear and scraped her scalp on the other side.  Fortunately, she was okay and has no long term problems from it, but it could have been a lot worse. 

In order to implement this habit, I plan to pay more attention to who is opening what throughout the day and then gently reminding them to close it when they are done.  After a few days, if they are still leaving things open, I may just have them go back and practice opening and closing the door (which is what is likely to be in our house) several times.  Hopefully, next week, I will be able to tell you that we have mastered this habit.